To Age Like a Fine Wine

As we may all have learned in Biology class, certain animals shed their skin, leaving delicate shells of their body behind. Also, as we may have been told by our elders, as you get older, people in your life will drop like flies. This may arise from a more keen sense of self and stronger dependence on self-reliance or these people who were once so close may even voluntarily slip away. Either way, in the past 6 months for the first time in my life, I have shed, not skin, but people. And just like the reptile who slithers out of the old and into the new, I don't look behind with regrets anymore.


Call it self-preservation.

One pattern or trend that has always been apparent, is the potential for grave disappointment when placing ones eggs in the hands of another. Whether those eggs hatch feelings, secrets or any other vulnerability, those people close to us are entrusted with such personal treasures. I can't afford to have another egg break on another's accord.

With no regrets I take the next step -- for fear the regret may hatch a poison to my soul. In accordance with these natural laws I must live, and one day I will see the merit. I fully anticipate my wisdom at 40 or 50, even 35 years old.

In this 26 year old frame, perhaps I do have one regret: that it has to be this way.

Until then,
SydVicious

9:16 AM -- Washington, DC

Knowing that anger is perhaps one of the worst emotions to harbor, I try my best, from situation to situation, to avoid letting it get the best of me. But sometimes during the morning commute on the Washington, DC subway system (the "Metro"), I get so furious with people that I can feel my brain swelling and my eyesight start to grow dim. Again, anger is poisonous, so I really hate this feeling, but every day without fail, it rises in me....

Case In Point

This morning, the man sitting next to me decided it would be as good time as any to read his morning paper: The Washington Post Express or The Express for short. First of all, this paper is handed out by homeless people (?) every morning at nearly every subway. If you don't pick up a copy there, you can always find a spare on your seat once you board the train. Either way, to me, the Express is the tabloid version of the Washington Post, and anyone who gets their "news" from this paper is already a classified imbecile.

This man in particular was of the latter sort: he had picked up his copy of The Express from his seat before he plopped his touckus down. I have perfected my metro chair stance insofar as I pile my belongings on my lap, push my coat under my thigh (if it's winter time), and do my best to avoid crossing the line between these shared seats. Some imbeciles are obviously not as evolved, including the gentleman I shared a seat with this morning.

He proceeds to take his Express and open up the paper completely -- arm span width. Like this:

Except he wasn't at home on his recliner with a cup of joe on the sidestand. We were sharing a damn seat on the metro -- with about 4 feet total to split between the two of us. Right then, was NOT the time for him to get comfortable.


Most people would then fold the paper in half to read one leaf at a time. Hey, just flip it over when you've come to the end of the page, and if you come to the end of THAT page, then by all means, open it completely -- but fold it back in half once you've reached the desired page. Like this:

Because I am a notorious lover, not a fighter, I tried a passive aggressive look in his direction as his hand unfolded the paper, practically spanning my lap. Aware of the rot anger can bring, I was hesitant to open my mouth and engage in a lesson in manners and mutual respect in public. Seriously, that's all it was -- a lack of respect and self-awareness on his part, probably brought on by a poor upbringing, centered around a sense of entitlement. Alas, I just let my blood boil, wrote the experience down in my journal, and swore to blog about it today.

But, please understand, this situation is not lone. Every freaking morning, some imbecile on the Metro does something to piss me off. They may choose the seat right next to me, despite the 20 other open seats on the train. Or they stop in their tracks upon entering the car, to look to the right and left and pick a seat, although their is a line of 10 people behind them, and the "Doors Closing!" chime is going off. (These idiots deserve to get pushed, and I will push them. This is probably the extent of the anger I will display.) Or maybe they see 25 people running to catch the train at the platform...that is practically pulling off...but they just stand in the way as if they are not aware that people on their way to work (their source of income, livelihood and sense of accomplishment) are trying to board the EXACT train whose doors they are blocking. Again, these people deserve to get pushed, full speed and impacted (much like the lady I knocked out of the way this morning, while I was attempting a transfer to the Orange/Blue line at Metro Center).

Either way you cut it, one of these mornings, I am going to go postal -- nay, go Metro -- on these imbeciles. In trying to rehabilitate my morning emotions, I have deconstructed these scenarios countless times. I did NOT have this problem on the NYC subway...not at all! Despite the fact that NYers pushed into the car like sardines, they wouldn't dare make these same violations. Is it because the stereotype is true (the "Hey! I'm walking here!" as you pound on a car -- something I also did this morning, after getting out of the metro)? So you wouldn't dare set anyone off? Or are NYers that much more street savvy than Washingtonians? In fact, I ENJOYED riding the NY subway -- the people, the adventures. What is the problem here?

Alas, I have no answers, only reoccurring rage. I don't like harboring this poison every morning, but until these Capital City imbeciles start using their brains, and get their heads out of their asses, I might just be angry.

Forever Always,
Sydney

NEXT POST: The long awaited: Late Resolutions for a New Year, 2009 version. This one comes with pictures, ya'll!!