Modes of Therapy

Although nothing heals a wound like time, there are certain glosses one can apply. My weapons of choice, as of recently, are as follows:

DVD Therapy
- I currently own a personal DVD player. The screen is about as big as my hand is wide, but I turn off all my lights when using it, so as to obscure any visual stimuli other than that blaring from my little screen. It works. (*You can also get yourself a real DVD player, and television with which to play it...but that technically falls under Retail Therapy.)

- Get yourself a subscription to Netflix or Blockbuster online. It really is like the commercial - you have little surprises, or treats, or characters, waiting in your mailbox when you get home. I found it difficult to choose between Netflix or Blockbuster, but eventually decided upon Blockbuster.

-Starting my queue has been most exhilarating. I have everything from documentaries on the History of Western Art and films by Perdro Almodovar to The Hills/Laguna Beach series. Whatever might delight my little heart, I pursue. (*I do refuse, however, to watch any Romantic Comedies, or Romantic Dramas, or anything happy and Romantic. It's not conducive to my aura right now. And if anyone starts kissing, or loving one another, I just slip my DVD right back into its envelope, and mail the sucker right back.)

Retail Therapy
- I bought a car last week. I don't even have a license. Enough said.

- Well, one more thing: After I bought the car, I bought an I Pod.

Work Therapy
- Even though I have mentioned this before, I work pretty damn near 60-70 hours a week. I have two jobs, both of which are liable to scheduling any of the 7 days a week. More importantly, I choose to have two jobs: I enjoy what I am doing at both of them, and in actuality my tasks between the two are completely opposite. Something in me (for now) is satisfied with both environments. I sought each job whole heartedly, and wouldn't give it up for the world (or rather, the stress that may come with my schedule).

- After figuring out how to work remotely and access my work desktop at home, I can now wake up on a Sunday morning and do work! I feel like it impresses the clients I have to see an email, or room diagram, or menu sent to them at 9:00 AM Sunday morning, or in another case, 10:00 PM Saturday night. This is beneficial because it is those crucial times when I could be revelling in my state of being, but instead I can be productive.

- This type of therapy is also beneficial because it builds self. Rsther, it builds that part of self that is defined by a career. I could be sitting in my bullshit administrative position, faxing or filing or stamping or answering, with no compassion behind it. My jobs now, however, are different.


Sad to say, these three modes of operation are my glue right now - hence why I am posting about them. I appreciate how they are serving me right now, and highly recommend them to any one going through some tough shit. And you can trust me, I am a Bachelor in Psychology.....

Forever Always,
Syd Vicious

P.S. In the words of T.I.P. Harris (I forgot him, but he's my T.I.P. Therapy) -



"You can look me in my eyes [and] see I'm ready for whatever/
Anythang don't kill me, makes me better.
I ain't dead ****, you can take the fame and the cheddar/
And the game, any deal, I'm still a go-getter.
Take my freedom for the moment, but it ain't forever.
I got the spirit of a god, heart of a dope dealer.

I'm a king, seen hangin' with some cold killas.
I ain't never back down or ran from no ****.
I ain't sat down yet pimp, standing gorilla/
Even if I'm all alone or standin' with four *****.
Tell'em jump, pimpin' [cause] it don't get no real-er/
5'[2]" with the soul of a 6'4" *****.

I separated the fakes: paralyzed from the waist down/
From the real, stand up guys of the A-Town.
Can't even look me in my eyes, put your face down/
I'm outta [school] *****, what you gotta say now?"

Legend

He wants to be with everything under the sun/
He wants to be with everything under the sun/
And like a legend, who rises and unfolds, I cannot be his only one.
--Nelly Furtado, Legend

One thing about prayer is that it will be answered. Whether it is the physical manifestation of that which you desire or actual divine intervention, you will receive what you pray for.

While as of recently, my prayers have been answered in the most fortunate of ways (as in, I got what I wanted), I have tasted "Be careful what you wish for..." Consider this a prelude to my most shiteous day.

I have prayed, with every fiber of my being, to receive wisdom regarding The One. I remember the first time I prayed about him 2 years ago, on a flight back to DC from Texas. He was to pick me up from the airport, and the whole flight, I prayed for the words to speak my mind and the wisdom to decide whether or not to stay. I landed, got my baggage, called him, and nothing.

He did not pick up the phone, and eventually it stopped ringing and went straight to his voicemail. Eventually, I had to call my best friend out of her bed to pick me up.

That had to have been the first answer to my prayers.

More recently, I have prayed to work things out - I'll admit it. And I received my answer last night, over martinis, from a co-worker of mine. In order to maintain some semblance of anonymity on her behalf, I will simply say that the time she spent with him overlaps with the time that I loved him. She, merely prospecting, and I, head over damned heels, in love. Whatever the details and technicalities, I have come face-to-face with one of the women that I shared him with. And damn it if I don't have to face it every day for as long as I am employed with The Dream Job. (The irony, eh?)

While I struggled with this: how could my prayers have been answered LIKE THIS?! This is not what I asked for! I realize that this is exactly the answer I needed. There is no question for me any longer, I have the answer ten feet away from my desk. Every day. While this made for a nauseating day it will make for quite an opposite existence (in the long run).

This morning on the train to work, I realized that no matter what your heart may desire, through faith and prayer (or fervent desire) the universe will bring you what is BEST for you. It may be the most painful experience, humiliating, gut-wrenching, or bone chilling, but it is exactly what you need, if not exactly what you have asked for.

And despite it all, my prayer renewed --

I just want to say that:
I'm Thankful to have [had] you in my life.
I want to say Thank You.
I want to Thank You, for being in my life.

I want to say Thank You, I Miss You, and I Wish You
were here with me saying: 'Thank You
and I Love You for being in my life'.

I don't know/I don't know/I don't know/
What I would do, If I [hadn't had] you in my life.
In my life.

I just want to say Thank You, I Love You and I Miss You.
I just want to say Thank You, I Love You and I Miss You.
--Ashanti, Thank You