Legend

He wants to be with everything under the sun/
He wants to be with everything under the sun/
And like a legend, who rises and unfolds, I cannot be his only one.
--Nelly Furtado, Legend

One thing about prayer is that it will be answered. Whether it is the physical manifestation of that which you desire or actual divine intervention, you will receive what you pray for.

While as of recently, my prayers have been answered in the most fortunate of ways (as in, I got what I wanted), I have tasted "Be careful what you wish for..." Consider this a prelude to my most shiteous day.

I have prayed, with every fiber of my being, to receive wisdom regarding The One. I remember the first time I prayed about him 2 years ago, on a flight back to DC from Texas. He was to pick me up from the airport, and the whole flight, I prayed for the words to speak my mind and the wisdom to decide whether or not to stay. I landed, got my baggage, called him, and nothing.

He did not pick up the phone, and eventually it stopped ringing and went straight to his voicemail. Eventually, I had to call my best friend out of her bed to pick me up.

That had to have been the first answer to my prayers.

More recently, I have prayed to work things out - I'll admit it. And I received my answer last night, over martinis, from a co-worker of mine. In order to maintain some semblance of anonymity on her behalf, I will simply say that the time she spent with him overlaps with the time that I loved him. She, merely prospecting, and I, head over damned heels, in love. Whatever the details and technicalities, I have come face-to-face with one of the women that I shared him with. And damn it if I don't have to face it every day for as long as I am employed with The Dream Job. (The irony, eh?)

While I struggled with this: how could my prayers have been answered LIKE THIS?! This is not what I asked for! I realize that this is exactly the answer I needed. There is no question for me any longer, I have the answer ten feet away from my desk. Every day. While this made for a nauseating day it will make for quite an opposite existence (in the long run).

This morning on the train to work, I realized that no matter what your heart may desire, through faith and prayer (or fervent desire) the universe will bring you what is BEST for you. It may be the most painful experience, humiliating, gut-wrenching, or bone chilling, but it is exactly what you need, if not exactly what you have asked for.

And despite it all, my prayer renewed --

I just want to say that:
I'm Thankful to have [had] you in my life.
I want to say Thank You.
I want to Thank You, for being in my life.

I want to say Thank You, I Miss You, and I Wish You
were here with me saying: 'Thank You
and I Love You for being in my life'.

I don't know/I don't know/I don't know/
What I would do, If I [hadn't had] you in my life.
In my life.

I just want to say Thank You, I Love You and I Miss You.
I just want to say Thank You, I Love You and I Miss You.
--Ashanti, Thank You